Liquid Ink

The official website of Gint Aras, Finalist 2016 CWA Book Award

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A series of good questions

What should I do if I can’t come during your office hours?

Also, if I can’t hand in any of my homework, what should I do?

Another thing, I need to know if it’s possible for me to miss class next week because there’s like a trip to Texas my mom is looking forward to taking. You know, the whole family. She’ll be real sad if one of us can’t go.

Oh, man, this computer just crashed. What should I do?

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Every administrator’s dream syllabus

Swanson Collidge

English 102 or 104 (pick one)

Autumn 2014

 Instructor:       Dr. Karuvius Zakoostix                                                                                       Office: 401 Scissorbill Hall

Office Hours:

M/W    00:00-24:00
T/R      24:00-00:00
F        All day
S        Always open
Sun      Satan equated himself to God. So do those who rest on the 7th.


Mobile:                       +1 312 233 3452
Wife’s Mobile:           +1 312 233 3451
Home address:          4061 S Winchester Court


There are no requirements for this class (except for payment, see below).

Required Texts

Students intending to read should select books they find suitable.

General Education Objectives

The primary general education objectives served by this course call for students to “pass the class through registration,” “use any technology* to pass,” and “demonstrate the ability to value passing.” The course also requires that students “understand and apply personal values and ethics regarding the need to pass.”

Catalog Description

Students further develop the skill to pass the class. The course focuses on passing as a means of passing effectively. In the process of passing, students learn to analyze how they passed and to construct a complex or simple passing grade. Students also learn basic text based, electronic and virtual passing methods and procedures.

Optional lecture three hours per week.


The only thing you need to do in this class is pass.

Outcomes: Successful students will

  • register within the first four weeks of the term
  • choose to write or read or not
  • pass, logically
  • search for things in the library and Internet (if they have time)
  • distinguish among individuals’ unique ways of passing the class
  • demonstrate comprehension of what it means to pass
  • identify credible and relevant means to pass
  • say “I passed”

Evaluation Criteria

Assignment grades, and ultimately course grades, will be determined by a student’s ability to “pass the class through registration,” “use any technology* to pass,” and “demonstrate the ability to value passing.”

Attendance Policy

Students may opt to pass in class or outside of class. A passing student need not be present.

Academic Honesty

If you fail to sign up to pass the class yourself, no one else may pass the class for you. Passing is limited to one (1) student per student ID #, and a registered student may only pass one (1) time each semester. See college catalog for more information.

Guidelines for Optional Papers

Students may, if the wish arises, choose to submit written essays. They should adhere to the following requirements

  • Please use ink
  • Please use typing paper (unless you only have a ruled notebook, then that’s fine)
  • Type or use a word processor (unless you like writing by hand).
  • Say something in your essay if you’d like your professor to say something besides “this passed”.
  • Possible topics include:

1.) Write about something you like. Say how much you like it.
2.) Write about something you don’t like. Say how much you don’t like it.
3.) Write using the word like. Do it often, like, in every sentence. Twice, like.
4.) Write about the time when it was unfair.
5.) Write about the time when you had the most fun, ever.

Final Exam

There is no required final exam. Students opting to take a final exam should make special arrangements before finals week.

*technology is anything that you can use to pass besides yourself or another human being. 



Students who do not submit their payment in full by the seventh (7th) week of the semester automatically forfeit the right to PASS this class or to receive any CREDIT for it on their transcript. Acceptable PAYMENTS may be made by money order, cash, wire transfer or credit card. No personal checks. No refunds. 

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Photo by Random Retail 

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Advice for parents of college students

This week’s installment of True Community, my column about men and education, doesn’t really offer any advice, so I’ll do it here. Parents, don’t call your children’s professors to offer excuses or discuss what can be done about grades. It will most often backfire.

I hope you’ll read about the phone call I got from a mom last week. The article’s titled My Son Got Arrested But It’s Not His Fault.


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Independence is a myth (part 2, the expanded version)

I’ve written about this topic before, as long-time readers of my blog will know. This week’s True Community article deals with the myth of independence. Any basic look at human interaction makes it clear that we are interdependent, and that our fate and lot is determined not just by the actions of neighbors but by people who’ve long since died. Why does that offend us? Why are we so reluctant to think of ourselves as members of systems instead of islands.

I hope you enjoy tonight’s article.

Here’s another bit on the same topic from 2012, titled The Pre-Birth Menu.

Three Lamps

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Top 3 Education myths

Please don’t miss today’s True Community article that I’ve composed for The Good Men Project. It’s titled Top 3 Education Myths and How They Affect Men. Here’s an excerpt:

When you’re told education is something you need, you look at it the same way you look at a bologna sandwich or a sewage system.


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Our sense of entitlement

Liquid Inkers, please don’t miss today’s True Community article, titled Styles of Entitlement. It takes on contemporary students’ incessant demands for concessions. I consider the gender differences I’ve perceived over ten years of community college work.

Thanks for reading. Cheers.

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This is on my syllabus

I’ve put this on some of my syllabi this semester:


E-mail etiquette:

E-mail is a convenient tool to help us communicate. It is NOT, however, a free-for-all. You should be courteous when you e-mail your professors. Please write in complete sentences and in actual English; do not fill your message with SMS jargon or slang. If you don’t have time to write a respectable, readable message, you should not write it at all but seek some form of communication that fits your schedule.

Appropriate topics

1.) I have a question about the reading or about a writing issue.

2.) I do not understand what you said in class about a discussion topic.

3.) I cannot come to your office hours this week but would like to see you at a different time or arrange to talk to you on Skype.

4.) I will have to miss class next week and would like to arrange something.

5.) I have a scheduling problem or a conflict.


Inappropriate topics (I will ignore these messages)-

1.) Please tell me what you covered in the class I missed.

2.) What’s the homework?

3.) U have 2 (something something) 4 me.

4.) Imma gonna b goin 2 a gr8 fam vaca next week so u need 2 (something something) 4 me pronto.