Liquid Ink

The official website of Gint Aras, Finalist 2016 CWA Book Award


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This Podcast Will Change Your Life

I was fortunate to be invited to speak to Ben Tanzer on This Podcast Will Change Your Life. We discuss, among other things, men’s issues, marriage, The Fugue, Robert Duffer, Finding the Moon in Sugar, Robert Duffer, The Good Men Project, Tortoise Books, coping mechanisms, refugees, trauma, meditation, forming an identity, migration patterns and much more.

Give it a listen! Click here.

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Photo of me with Ben Tanzer courtesy of This Podcast Will Change Your Life.


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I’m psychic

Last night during meditation—I try to meditate every night before bed—I kept having this intrusive thought that concerned my car. Now, I can’t stand cars and look at them as a nuisance, a symbol of our degradation; they’re a source of stress for me, mostly. My spare tire was stolen over a year ago and I’ve yet to replace it. So during this meditation the thought kept coming up—it was relentless—you need to get one of those fix-a-flat cans in case your wife gets a flat tire. I was able to let the thought go.

But then I had a dream that my wife had a flat tire. I was sitting someplace thinking, Why didn’t you get one of those cans of fix-a-flat? Why didn’t you get a spare? Now she’s stranded all the way across town.

I awoke noting these thoughts and figured I’d take care of the problem the next time I had to take the care someplace. Of course, what happened? This afternoon I got a text from my wife. She had a flat tire and was taking the car to a Mexican mechanic’s on the North Side.

So, there it is. I can see the future.


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Passing the torch

Today is my last day editing the Marriage section at The Good Men Project. It was a good experience to work as an editor, and I hope to do it again some day, in one capacity or another. For now, I have to focus on other projects, which I’ll be sharing with my readers in the near future.

I wanted to publicly thank the Marriage section’s dedicated readers, and especially those who helped promote the articles, sharing them with their networks. The section is being taken over by the very capable Aaron Anderson, also a frequent contributor to the magazine. He’s a marriage counselor in his other life, and quite insightful.

The Good Men Project has grown in a very short time. It’s happening because of a talented, dedicated staff, savvy leadership and a precise vision. The company took a chance on a relatively inexperienced writer when it hired me. For that I will forever be thankful. I have grown from the experience, and will remember it as an important crossroads in my life, one full of lessons.

I look forward to seeing how Aaron will put his stamp on the section, and I do hope those who read it in the past will continue visiting. Cheers.


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Anger over other people’s personal lives

As I suspected, the conversation in the comments of my recent article, Equating Love With Possession, centered around the “open marriage” depicted by Capote in his essay, Mojave, one of my favorites. Of course, what strikes me about the essay, and what I tried very hard to communicate in the article I wrote, wasn’t that this couple allows each other extra-marital affairs. As readers, we get offended by their personal business, and reject the possibility that they might love each other more than we love our partners. We reject Capote’s criticism of our hypocrisy because it’s easier than accepting it.

Today, I published an article by Lady Chatterley that appeared in perK magazine. It’s titled One Plus One Equals Three?, and works as a response or expansion of my article. Chatterley was confused about her sexual identity when she met her fiancé. This man—she calls him Jack—was secure enough to give her the necessary freedom she needed to experiment with her sexuality. The essay depicts, albeit lightly, her menage-a-trois with a couple she found on the internet.

In my opinion, we feel angry with Chatterley for only one possible reason: our insecurity is an Olympic monstrosity. Our concepts of control and love are too closely intertwined, so closely, in fact, that we wish we could control Chatterley and Jack, keep them from having their sexual experiments or open experiences. What other reason could we be angry with people for what they do in their privacy. How does it have any bearing on our lives at all?

 

Air Space


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My 9/11 Memoir

I was living in New York on 9/11/2001. I composed this brief memoir for today’s edition of The Good Men Project.

Sept 11 Fireman


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Weekly bloggers wanted

As the Marriage Editor at The Good Men Project, I’m looking for someone to blog for me weekly on the subject of Masculinity and Marriage. There’s no pay, but you’d reach a huge audience, and if you’re witty enough you’d become an internet sensation. If you feel like this is something you’re interested in, I’d love to hear from you.

I’m looking for two people.

1.) Ideally, I’d like the first writer to be a man currently in a healthy marriage. You’d have an interesting, witty or ironic (even absurd) way of looking at the day-to-day affairs of a married man. When do you get horny (and what is the result)? When do you get exhausted? How do you deal with the demands life throws at you? Why do you stay in love with the same woman? What happens when you and your male friends, married or not, spend time without women? What happens when you spend time with your wife’s friends? When do you find time for yourself? Etcetera.

Plenty of men are in healthy marriages, and loads of men make great husbands. That narrative, however, gets crushed because it’s “not interesting”. Of course, it’s a fascinating narrative, and it needs to be shared.

2.) Ideally, I’d like for the second writer to be a marriage counselor. I’m interested in what men come to complain about to a counselor and how their concerns can be resolved, if at all. From what I’m able to tell, men, even those in healthy marriages, feel isolated and quieted. How can a counselor deal with this? This would not be an advice column, not necessarily. I envision these posts more as meditations on difficulties, needs, conflicts and resolutions.

3.) I’m also very interested in a divorce attorney who might blog on the conflicts men face when getting divorced, how the law affects men and how anything might be changing. Stories from a legal point of view about both amicable and shitstorm divorces would be most welcome.

What am I not looking for?

Anyone with an absolute position. Anyone with an axe to grind. Anyone with a victim mentality. (Or similar types of complexes.)

Interested parties should contact me: gint dot aras dot kgz at gmail . Please include a writing sample.