Liquid Ink

The official website of Gint Aras, Finalist 2016 CWA Book Award

An open letter to the Chicago and Regional Transit Authorities

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Hey, CTA and RTA. My transit card, which I have linked to my bank account, has been suspended. Seeing that your vendor has, for reasons no one can explain (I have contacted the people three times), made it impossible for me to use my card to board a bus or train on either Pace or CTA, I’d like to offer you a list of places that are currently more easily accessible than your transit system:

1.) Raúl Castro’s ass

2.) North Korea

3.) The Sixth Plane of Hell

4.) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s scrotum

5.) The distant future

6.) Black holes

Here are some actions that are easier to accomplish than it is for me to pay for transit in Chicago:

1.) Auto-fellatio

2.) The construction of a perpetual motion machine

3.) Colliding an immovable force with an unstoppable object (you read that right).

4.) Losing myself in a closet

5.) Producing the philosopher’s stone

6.) Teaching a contemporary college student how to use possessive pronouns

There is currently only one (1) city in the world that is refusing to collect payment from me for transit. That city is not in Poland. No, it is not in Lithuania. It is also not in Ukraine or Costa Rica or Mexico. You can bet your last board-member-on-the-take that it is not anywhere in Cuba, where they frisk you for cash just as you get off the plane. Only one (1) city in the world has set up a transit payment system that not only refuses to collect payment but also takes no interest in answering the questions of a man who contacts the vendor several times to ask, “How can I pay for transit?”

My suggestion? If you need help learning how to collect payment from riders, visit any city anywhere in the world that has a bus system. In the meantime, check this out:

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Photo by Marc Levin.

 

 

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