Liquid Ink

The official website of Gint Aras, Finalist 2016 CWA Book Award

The kind of essay I expect from students, 2


The thing about being dead, when it happens, you can’t do anything about it anymore. Sure, you can try to get out of it if you think it’s possible, but more oven than knot, your gonna know your dead when your not breathing anymore, and that’s when reality comes into play.

If your dead for the first time, you’ll know, so you should get ready for it. Make sure your mind is free from all the distrakshins that come into play when you factor in all the things that go into death. It’s lots of stuff, like pain and fear. Pain and fear, for most of us, that’s like the thing we are afraid of the most since it hurts.

In conclusion, your death isn’t just the end. It’s also the beginning of a new journey called the afterlife where your credit cards won’t work no more and your rims won’t get you nothing in no pawn shop. That’s why you should have fun now since it’s not going to come back ever again.

Always use a condom. Don’t be dumb.

4 thoughts on “The kind of essay I expect from students, 2

  1. This is so fantastically weird that I don’t even know what to make of it. Did someone really write this? Or were you making this up? Pawn shops and rims in the afterlife? DISTRAKSHINS? No credit card debt? Where do I sign up for this awesome afterlife? Ha!

    Love the “(American) Education” tag.

  2. Erica, this is an example of an ideal college-level essay in the United States of America. While I made it up, it is based on templates and models that have been compiled over years of research and study of the “writing mind in college”. It is also based on a variety of trips I have taken to the afterlife and my very common conversations with The Most High.

    • Very cool that you got to experience the afterlife already and speak to the Most High. I am sure it was an exciting experience. You should get a bunch of these papers together that you have received from your students and publish them in a book. I would buy it.

      • I’ll eventually write a memoir of my time working at the community college. It’s not anything anyone will believe. I’m certain that if Americans knew what was actually happening in community colleges, they would grab a bag of popcorn and sit down in front of an NFL game. It would be a total revolution.

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